Dear Dr. Romance: Is It Possible to Love Someone without Ever Dating Them?

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We move from relationship to relationship, hauling all that luggage we managed to accumulate in our previous relationship. It may take a while for her to get over her fears and also to process her emotions. All the demons come out.

Dear Dr. Romance: Is It Possible to Love Someone without Ever Dating Them?

That's an interesting question; however, the answer to that question is not as apparent or straightforward. I can entirely see how you can fall in love with someone you've never met. If you are friends with someone on the Internet and chat with them on messenger programs, for example, you would know what I am talking about. Although, personally, I haven't fallen in love online with anyone, I have felt connected in some ways to people whom I have never met face-to-face. People generally get attracted to each other based on common ideas, common outlook towards life, common value systems, and similar views on important issues. If you happen to know someone over the Internet, you can sometimes feel connected if your views match theirs. Also, you might like their sense of humor — this does come through no matter what the medium, whether it's speech, chat, or text. So, face-to-face contact isn't as essential in knowing the other person. One can even argue that not having face-to-face contact can have certain advantages. You may not judge the other person for their physical looks per se, but may get in touch with them on a deeper emotional level. Consequently, I would think you could theoretically fall in love with someone you've never met in person. But, could such a love stand the test of time? Would such a love overcome the potentially high expectations generated by an online or virtual personality? Certain personality traits may not be visible or apparent in the online domain. Would such a love, then, be able to come to terms with the reality of physical imperfections or deficiencies? These are important questions to consider when one falls in love over the Internet, via the phone, or any other medium where the two lovers can't meet face to face. Physical Attraction When Meeting Face-to-Face Assuming that a couple has met over the Internet or over the phone, the more interesting thing that I'd like to know is: what would be their reaction when they do in fact meet in person for the first time. Can you overlook that fact and love them the same way as you did before you met? Even though most people say to be politically correct more than anything else that outward beauty doesn't matter to them, generally most people value beauty in a potential partner. So, while it is possible that you can fall in love with someone you've never met in person, it is not as possible to predict whether you would in fact remain in love with that person once you've met them, especially if that person turns out to be not so attractive based on your standards of attractiveness. So, while you can fall in love with someone you've never met, whether you stay in love with that person is quite another matter. Discovering Their True Identity There is also the potential problem of anonymity and people who mask their true identities online. You may have very good, honest, genuine intentions and want real love, but can you be really sure that the other person with whom you are chatting to or speaking with shares those intentions? How can you be sure? The online world is a world of escape for some people and many just come online to live a world they can't live in the real world. So, they may just log in and claim to be someone who they are not, but you have no way of knowing that. To me, this is the biggest problem that a person who connects with another person online faces. So, while you may fall in love with someone you've never met physically and it is quite possible , the more important question that you should be asking is if you truly have fallen in love with a real person who exists in the real world or an online mirage that's a figment of someone's imagination — someone who is just in it for the fun of it, maybe just to find someone to get physical with, or someone who is not as serious about finding love as you are? Flirting on Social Media: Avoid Falling for the Wrong Person A lot of heartbreak can be avoided if during the initial stages of a potential online relationship you insist on seeing the person you are chatting with on cam, rather than settle for pictures, which may be of anyone and not necessarily of the person who is chatting with you. Also, look out for avoidance behavior, like committing to something that may expose their true identity and then backing out repeatedly. For example, if the person you are chatting to is repeatedly promising to meet up with you or cam and then avoids it, there may be a strong possibility that they have something to hide — something they do not want you to find out about them. So, hope for the best, but expect the worst to save yourself some heartbreak. Online love does happen and has happened for many, but so have online heartbreaks, and I certainly don't want you to join the ranks of the heartbroken ones. Have you fallen in love with someone you've never met? If so, I'd like to hear. Feel free to share your experiences by leaving a comment below, as countless others have! Thank you for this, I admire your honesty on your article about loving someone you haven't meet yet... And yes I am one of the many who fell in love with someone I haven't meet yet.. But one thing I made sure for this relationship that we are trying to build is that we slowly know each other whatever information she gave to me, pictures etc. I tried my best to validate it through the social media her background the picture she sent if I can find it to her relatives etc... The last time I ask her is how she feels towards me that she doesn't even know me personally, does she have any doubts about me etc... I must say yes it is possible to fall in love with someone we haven't meet yet I am madly in love to her and preparing to see her soon in Canada... Was planning to visit him in two month to come not evn sure if i can still go because of the way he treat me. This really hurt me cause dont know wat to do anymore. That being the case, they now feel that Skyping would expose them. Reason why they don't want to get exposed. There can be exceptions to this though, and I have to put it out there. Some guys may be insecure about their looks, but if they want to pursue the relationship they eventually have to let themselves be seen isn't it? So maybe he lied about his age to you or showed you a photo of someone else early on in the conversation. Maybe he just wants to see you and have a fling online and nothing serious than that and so he is okay with pretending to be someone else or just be content to have an anonymous online identity and chat with you. Try telling him things such as it doesn't matter how you look, or that it dosn't matter if he misrepresented himself with a picture of someone else, that you'd be okay with whoever he is and you just want to see him and see how that goes. You won't believe how many guys just get talking to girls online when they are already married or have a girlfriend in the real world. So if you don't want to die wondering make him feel comfortable and get him to confess who he really is and ask him to prove that to you. Once you get him to do that, you would at least know what the real story was. Most likely, you'd be disappointed knowing the truth but at least you would know it. Once you know the truth, you can decide what you want to do. Likely dump him and move on. If he doesn't tell you the truth, just move on. Because lies can't be the foundation of a relationship. Be friends with her and see how it develops. If she feels as strongly for you, she would reciprocate your love eventually. Give her the time to decide for herself what her feelings are for you. The distance shouldn't matter at this stage since she hasn't reciprocated your love. Work on the friendship and let it develop. I feel for you. It seems to me that this guy isn't worth your time. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I have to tell you honestly what I feel about this. Based on all that you have told me, it seems to me that he is into a relationship, maybe he is already married. While you can't be sure about this and neither can I be sure, but it is obvious that he hasn't been truthful to you. If you want to know the truth, you can try asking him before you move on. You can tell him it doesn't matter to you if he's married and so he can go on and tell you the truth about his life and his relationship if he has any. That way maybe he would open up to you and tell you the truth. If he tells you, you would know possibly the reason for his behavior. You can also use it as an excuse to break this relationship. No matter what he tells you though, I don't think you should pursue him. A bit of jelousy is okay but this guy is jealous even though you guys have never met in person. What do you think would happen if you guys ever had to live together in real? I don't think it would be good for you to have this kind of a jelous guy and a guy who is so emotionally unsure of himself. Do you really want to deal with this ups and downs that you have had with his already? Either way, find out the truth about him first. Nothing can be built up on a foundation of lies. My opinion is you should move on, but if you do decide to give this a chance, do so only after you have made him tell you the total truth about him and his personal life and then decided that his jealous nature is okay for you. I wouldn't be able to handle an over jealous guy. Hope this helps you. In the beginning he was telling me how he wanted to start a serious relationship with me that would lead to something great. We have been talking for a month now. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? I have seen pictures of him and I know his not faking it he is a very honest person. I am a doctor,40 years old. I was bored so I decided to try an European expensive dating site. After 15 days and lots of emails and messages from all men ,he found me. He is an engineer,47 years old ,charming ,very intelligent the reason why I felt for him. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted We were like soul mates. We had the first fight ,his jealous was terrible,we broke up and get back together. He told me that he was ready and he needed to meet me in my country Brazil and I waited. One month ago,a second fight... If I want him back? I do but with the true. So I decided to do the No contact rule and now he is sending me messages on the site and I am not answering. I want him but I am very sad about his attitudes about us,my heart is broken now. Do I Try him again or move on? S: Only in 7 months all this happened!! It sure is a useful article. I will keep my dilemma short and simple. He pinged me first and then we started to chat. He seems like a cute, funny, nice guy. He is about 6 or 7 years younger to me. But, he flirts with me frequently which I said I do not appreciate. I am also committed so feelings from side are never going to develop ever. However, he seemed to be a little shaken with the information about my boyfriend. I like to chat with this guy and can continue being online buddies. But it is him who is not so sure. Plus he does not know what to do! I just want your comments on this if anyone else has gone through the same situation.. He said that he's originally from San Antonio Texas but it's in his fourth year of medical school and St Louis Missouri. Then he claims that he is a doctor and in the Marine corps special forces and works a civilian job as a physician assistant at an urgent care clinic but he never gives name the name of the clinic he works at. Right now he's deployed right now in Anchorage Alaska. Every time we plan to meet he'll say things like I couldn't find no one to cover for my shift. What should I do? Move on or hold on? Although I wonder if it;s love or infatuation, or maybe neither. But we know what each other looks like, through posting pictures, and vdeo calls. Anyway, here is some information. I asked her why she didn't accept one of the other guys who might have a job, and provide her with more security. She is a poor person.. She told me, not to be talking nonsense, and she chose me. She says she is not; 5. We chat about 4 hours a day. Well, obviously that is not continous. I lie to her, and say i am going asleep, wheras in actual fact, I want to watch something. When chatting with her, i sometimes wonder what I am going to say next. I am excited for the next chat; 7. She is a caregiver, and i ask about the patient she looks after. I feel a genuine concern for this other person. I express regret that i am not with her. She says distance doesn't matter as long as we love each. She was in a bad relationship before, Abusive husband That ended 30 years ago. She had another relationship since then, but overall concentrated on her 4 children. I have never been in a loving relationship, and i told her that. I told her that today. I guess what made me love her, or become infatuated with her, is basically because her work as a caregiver. Being content with what she has. I see her as saint. But, would i be disappointed to find out she farts a lot in bed, or snores. It's supposed to be an app where you swipe to find friends, but anyways, I used it mostly for fun, and it has kind of become a dating app instead. But I met one guy there and he is very sweet and funny. He is cute and tall, he kind of looks like the guy from the Up movie with the square glasses. I've talked to him on the phone a few times. It's just, I think he likes me more than I like him. I told him to mot fall in love with me before he has met me, yeah idk. And we talk everyday all day and I feel weird talking to him, like I'm hesitating. It's like my body doesn't want to fall in love. I think that I can't fall in love unless I've met the person. I am afraid to be dissapointed so I think that's why I'm weird about it. Cause I think he is great, it's just, I don't want to be dissapointed, so that is why I'm trying not to fall in love. I just dont know what to do, because I am arfraid that I won't like him in real life and then have to stop what we have and then hurt his feelings. Part of me wants to ghost him right now and never have to deal with it again, but the other part of me wants give it a shot. Explain what went on in your head at the time. Maybe he would appreciate you for being truthful about it. What have you got to lose anyway since you are contemplating ending it. The way things are going you are neither here nor there and you'd keep feeling guilty. You owe him the truth. Thank you so much for taking the time to describe your experience in such detail. I absolutely loved reading it, but at the same time, I am crushed at you talking about not wanting to live. Come on, Eric, please don't get into that zone. I know how you feel. I have been down that road too, but please don't contemplate ending it. Sometimes we just get so down, we listen to sad love songs, keep thinking of what-ifs and whatnot and end up making ourselves feel worse than it really is. I know how heartbreaking it can be to want to be there for that special someone, love them like only you can, wanting to care for that person, but if only life and love were that straightforward. So what does one do? You learn to live with it. I have and I am sure you can too. Just do the other things you always wanted to do. Maybe travel to places you wished to travel to or even if you didn't wish, get out and see places, meet new people. In short, keep yourself engaged and stimulate your senses. Don't be a hermit. When you withdraw yourself, all you have is your mind to deal with and that mind would replay you the very things that will make you more depressed. It is a vicious cycle. I hope you listen to me on this, Eric, and live your life. You never know what the future has in store. Maybe you will end up together by some quirk of fate or maybe you'd meet someone equally compelling and interesting. That's the beauty of life. He gave me his email and we started chatting. I love him very much, we talk on the phone when I know I can without my husband knowing. He is married also but he thinks I'm younger than he is. Like 20 yrs younger when actually I'm the same age as him. I don't know the first time he messaged me I didn't think it would've gone this long and I gave him another girls picture. I wish I had come clean then about who I am and my age but I didn't and I regret that decision today. He's always been there for me and I for him. He knows he will never leave his wife and I, given the chance would leave my husband for him. But it is what it is and now I am feeling guilty and want to end it but I don't want to tell him the truth and hurt him. I just want to end it... She lived in Missouri and I in Florida yuk. It started as friendship, but quickly we realized we were sexually attracted to one another... Due to our mutual friends and extensive 'real' photos tagged in ones, not posed for of one another on our well used FB pages we knew with 100% assurance that neither of us were indeed cat-fishing the other. We fell deeply in love, spurned on by our similar political, emotional, and ethical views on life, relationships and what it means to be 'in love'. Neither of us were 'old', but I was 38-ish and she 29. She had 3 children and still lived in the same house with her second husband with whom she'd been separated for well over a year. And I, ever the skeptic, found myself completely believing in her faithfulness and fidelity towards me. However, she seemed less confident. For reasons still not fully understood to me she was extremely self conscious about her weight. I jumped through hoops to attempt to 'show' her I didn't not only 'not mind' her curvaceous body, but that it was indeed a ;selling feature'.... But her jealousy grew stronger fueled by her insecurities. I am an attractive man, though I am the sort that cringed at writing that just now. Unless I am making a joke, I view myself as nothing to get worked up about. Probably due to the fact that my looks exist in a rare area among humans... I have nice facial features, yet suffered bad acne as a child and have several scars to show for it. These tend to not show up in pictures. So in an attempt to show her we were on a very compatible level in the looks dept. I took as many unattractive pics of myself in the worst lighting possible to ease her fears. She once broke up with me for two hours because I clicked 'like' an a FB advert with a skinny, heavily tattooed model in it. It took me two hours to convince her of the truth: I liked the chicks tattoos... I have some myself and hers were awesome. Well time went on and we eventually met for a week vacation in FL. To say both of our nerves were rattled is the understatement of my life. I was mortified at the thought I would not live up to her over blown expectations because of my ability to take a nice picture I look better in pics than 3d-4d. We weren't in the hotel for 20 minutes before I was inside her and passionately kissing her beautiful face and her returning the passion in equal doses. Our week together was, and remains the best week of my life. Things were well there were bumps along the way that I'll leave out for brevity's sake after the trip ended and we went back to our respective time zones. The relationship however, due to mistakes on both our parts, tragically, ended. I tried to get her back for three years. I only had sex twice with other woman in those three years... I usually engage in frequent sex. I stopped going out, lost interest in my friends, and have since turned into a hermit of sorts who is now contemplating whether life is worth it at all. She contacts me roughly once every three months to 11 months and we try again to put this special connection back together. But too much has been said it seems... The fact is when we met I was out of work, she had a promising career. Since the break-up her career has gone expectedly well, and I have found a great job, better than I thought I would ever find honestly. And it would rip them away from their father and family and friends during formative years as well. I write this only to say that one can absolutely fall completely in love with another having never met them. And sometimes that transfers over to when they actually meet as well. It only happens once or twice to the luckiest of us. Many never experiencing truly appreciating another human for all they are, imperfections become the perfections. I love Kate with every fiber of my being and It seems this world and our own fears mostly hers.... I don't think I want to live much longer. I only go through my daily chores in hopes I'll meet another,but I am intelligent enough to know the chances of that are slim now that the bar has been set so high by my chubby little angle who I dream about every day. Her last BF got physically abusive so she ended it.... I can't be there to protect her! My love is in a horrible world and she could end up with any manor of sneaky creep with an ugly personality just waiting to show itself. I'll never get to know her children, who btw seem amazing. I think I'll give it another year or two, save my money, then use it as a means to fulfill a bucket list before I end this nightmare. She sent a message after a drink or two she doesn't usually drink, has no tolerance one night not long ago telling me similar things I've said here.... I KNOW she loves me. But there's a crappy song out there that put it well enough.... I hate my life. Except for the year or so together virtually and the week in person with her. Those are the only times I've ever felt 'home'. And hey, maybe it's just me... All the more reason to bucket list it out while I'm still reasonably handsome and have my health. This life is too short. At one point, like 2 weeks ago the dream about her was intense it seemed like a movie. I know we probably will never met as she is in south america. One dream I had was that i was on the beach in miami talking and laughing, then she kissed me and the party got intense. I envision her becoming a model but who knows. What happens next I don't know maybe crash and burn. Ive had his passwords too and we used to talk every single minute. There is the chance to meet him but idk if this matters, i mean when i think about it online relationships are just loose of time... I trust him but i think its better for both of us to forget each other... He continued declaring his love for me. I know he loves me cause he's leaving everything behind in his country to move to my country. One thing is uncertain is the pics he's sending me and he havent gone on video or Skype with me why? You wouldn't know what he feels for you unless you bring up the subject. At some point, maybe you would feel it's better to know what he feels for you than constantly guess. Yes, things may change once you tell him, but only you can decide whether it's worth it, whether you really do feel as strongly for him, and whether you find it to be love based on what I've stated above. You can't predict it and shouldn't worry too much about it. Take it one day at a time. Especially, since both of you live in different countries, don't get ahead of yourself. Take it day by day and see how your relationship develops. How do you know if you really care or it's just an attraction? If it's superficial, you'd have no problems getting over him. If you feel something deeper, you'd feel that emptiness, loneliness, you'd miss him as you would in a real-life relationship. Ultimately, you would just know how much it means to you, whether it's superficial or something substantial. Just take it one day at a time for now and be cautious too since he's in another country. Just don't do anything impulsive. I'm sure this is an experience many have had. Often times, in our younger years, we aren't as wise as we become later on, especially in matters of the heart. How unfortunate is that? There is always that one person you just can't get out of your mind. I hope you don't beat yourself too much about it though, as it is in the past now and you can't do much about it. You can, however, celebrate the memories and yes stalking the FB and following what he's been doing is okay. I do that myself : Just don't obsess too much over him and keep it healthy. I'm sure you do that, but I just am directing this to other readers of this comment. He was on the opposite side of the country and we chatted on the phone and AIM for one year. I fell hard for him and he did as well. Long story short he came to meet me in person 1 year later and my parents gave me a hard time. I see him in my dreams and I stalk him on FB now under a fake ID. Your soul cannot be lied to, your heart knows more than your mind. Whether this could have worked out or not I regret not giving it my all. It is better to stand a chance of getting hurt in order to find and keep true love and be happy. I don't know what he feels for me and I'm not sure if I'm really in love with him or not. Now a year later, im deeply in love with her still we're basically best friends now but... I wont ever be able to tell her because she has since moved on and has a crush on a girl she knows irl... And by long I mean about twelve years long. I met a girl online when I was eleven years old on a chat game. One of them was a girl that for some reason I liked more than anyone I have ever met. I can't remember when but I don't think a year passed before I told her I was in love with her. Years go past, we get older, relationships form with people you actually see. I had real girlfriends and she had real boyfriends. The problem for me was that nothing ever lasted. I would break up with someone or get dumped, talk to my best friend on the Internet and all these feelings would sprout up reminding me of this amazing woman. If I got drunk I would tell her I was still in love with her which she hated by the way. No one likes a drunk guy. We did stop talking for about a year. She said she couldn't be my friend anymore and it wasn't until afterwards that she told me it was because of her boyfriends. I guess every time we started talking she would break up with them. Getting to the end, she has just finished her degree last year, and I'm currently in my first year. However, a friend of mine is making a trip to Montreal this summer which is a halfway point, and asked if I wanted to go. I asked the girl online if she would meet me there and she said yes so I told my buddy I was all in. Now the reason I was looking at this article is because I'm scared out of my mind. I knew her for twelve years. I'm now 23 and she is 22. I'm scared because the love I think I feel may turn out to be nothing. I'm afraid that I fell in love with an idea of who she is and I really almost called off the trip. I want to fall in love with this girl and I mean real love. I can look at her picture, snap chat video and what not, but I need to know if she's the one. I know the chances of us working out is slim. I couldn't ask her to uproot her life and come back with me and I'm sure she wouldn't ask me either. But really, just seeing her would be worth it because then I would know. It's better than not knowing if I missed out something real. And hey if she's not the one than maybe I can finally move on and stop sabotaging my relationships. I would relocate to do salvador and make 3 dollars an hour if I had to to be with her. I love her unconditionally, even if she chooses another man over me. I know it sounds funny but to be honest I took that relationship seriously coz I'm hoping that one day we'll meet each other and continue what we have started via online , sad to say that we ended up after a couple of months.. I'm still here stuck up and still feeling inlove with him... We meet on facebook. He send me friend request an then we became friends after a time period he proposed me first i was say no then i was accept his proposal bcz i was thought he is different to another guys at this time we are in a relationship we love eachother still we don't see and meet eachother because its my first experience that's why i m confused with this thing that it's my real feelings of love to him or it's just an attraction.. We meet on facebook. He send me friend request an then we became friends after a time period he proposed me first i was say no then i was accept his proposal bcz i was thought he is different to another guys at this time we are in a relationship we love eachother still we don't see and meet eachother because its my first experience that's why i m confused with this thing that it's my real feelings of love to him or it's just an attraction.. We play multiplayer video games together, and it's been really fun getting to know him. He goes to my school and church, but we've never spoken because, 1 he doesn't speak very much English, and 2 he's pretty popular, whereas I am... I'm not sure if it'll mess up the relationship we have if I introduce myself in person. I've been trying to get the courage to talk to him, but every chance I get I haven't taken. I'm not scared of seeming odd, but I am scared that he won't be the person I think he is... We both fell in love but he proclaims he loves me but sends me pictures of some one else Every time things happened with him but i get the feeling hes lying to me Im also not sure if hes using me but hes willing to move from hes country to mine to be with me. Knew him 3 weeks. We messaged each other for hours, then had video chat. We started blowing kisses, then it became intimate. It was the first time for me on video chat I am over 18. I was so confused by my emotions afterwards. Really desperately wanted to talk with him. He shut me out, didn't respond to messages. Suddenly I turned into this needy person, desperately messaging because I so needed to talk with him. In the end he blocked me. I have been left heartbroken. To me, the reason most often is that he has misrepresented his age or any details about himself physically. If you feel it appropriate, you could tell him that it doesn't matter if he has misrepresented himself before. That, you just want him to be honest now, in the present. That, you will overlook what he may have said in the past. That may get him to confess if that indeed is the reason for his avoidance. Another reason could be that he is a family man looking at this as a casual flirting thing, rather than anything more substantial. I have a family and this may not be good for me. The last thing that comes to mind is that he may be an introvert, the shy sort, who doesn't like to put himself up for judgment. If that's the case, see if reassurance about his looks not mattering helps? Either way, you got to find closure to this fast. This isn't fair to you at all. Hope you find your answers soon enough. We have never met he said a contract took him to South Africa. Always the contract is delayed and he never gets home as promised. He has not taken me for any money, but my doubts and fears are there. I want to believe him but my trust is slim to nil. I've talked to people online before and have had a few relationships in real life from it. But I haven't met this girl yet and she's real not a catfish. We video chatted and we both been through bad relationships as everyone. We are not official or anything but we are talking about moving together already. I don't know I'm not scared of the heartbroken stuff. It sucks but if you want someone or something you try to get it. Sometimes you have to deal with repercussions you don't want. But if it's successful and does work I'll be happy so it's worth the risk. I'd say for people new to the online scene or just trying it no matter the platform beware of scammers and liars. They are out here. Just use your best judgment of people. It's not easy to build a relationship in any form. We are very similar and we have both confessed our feelings for each other. We both are extremely honest with each other and have never had a problem accepting each other for our past downfalls. We have video chatted and in three weeks she will be here in town to meet me. In all honestly, I feel like she may not even come, or something will happen, causing this whole thing to disappear. I have fallen for this guy and he proclaim he loves me too but he sends me pics of not himself. We found each other on instagram which started through a random friend request. There is ABSOLUTELY no trust issues! We can never think of even leaving each other.. And we've never met. I'll be leaving abroad for my studies and I don't know when we're going to meet in real. Sometimes it's so frustrating and I feel to end this relationship up but I cannot. I feel jealous that 1 year has been passed and we've just virtually lived our 1 year of relationship comparing to what other couples do generally! Even if we meet now for few days only.. Our next meeting would be in another year. I don't know how will this relationship even work. We both have work and school so its hard to talk everyday we try to but we mostly talk every other day. The thing is he won't be coming to my area until next year, and I can't afford to go there before that. I really like him, we haven't video chat yet, but only because he isn't fluent yet. I don't know maybe when we start video chatting everything will seem easier, but right now, it kind of feels like its tearing me apart. I really like him and definitely don't want to say goodbye, but at the same time, it feels like I might have to. I just don't know what to do from here. But everything that we've shared, the late nights when we stay awake, the long paragraphs, everything felt so real for me and it feels like we have already met and it feels like we're meant for each other, but I don't know what to say to him so that he would stop talking with them. I first want him to stop communicating with them before we meet. Can anyone give me advice please? I miss his voice when I'm can't reach him. We've been constantly chatting and talking over d phone for more than a year now. We've had ups and downs, I think we're both scared of what this 'relationship' would turn out to me.. I'm comfortable with telling him stuffs I haven't told anyone else, probably cos it's easier nuh looking at him... In fact, we are in a long distance relationship and have been on for 7 months. Weve had our ups and downs, but lately its been going down, then coming back up again. There are certain things to me that raises the red flag, but i got to remain faithful and have trust in her. But sometimes shes sweet as apple pie and then cold as ice. But i really like her and she likes me, were planning on meeting this year formthe first time. I just hope things go well. We met from a site. We have been talking for one year. There was a time that made our friendship became not good. The worst part I found that he likes a girl from the internet as well, sometimes I asked him why don't you tell her abt your feeling? He doesn't want make his relationship with her become awkward and he thinks before he meet her they are just friends. I have never told him abt my feeling bcs I know it would destroy our friendship. I'm always listen to his story abt her and anything. Somehow, I know that make me looks pity. But again there is one thing which make me different with him, but not with him and that girl. I'm a muslim and he is not. I know I should not have this feeling, but no one knows when this lovely feeling comes.. I'm trying to get over this feeling until today. I bravely talk with him every day to face off my fear.. He is sweet and kind.. Last 2014 i meet my friend bf an Australian guy.. And now we have plans to meet this year hoping to see him in real.. But his getting cold to me again. Hope you can help me with this. When he asked for friend's request, I said ok, just friends. We talked about everything.... Until one day, I was scammed by someone... He told me he loves me and want me to give him a chance to take care of me. I told him I can't as I have to be here... Almost every day he will text me to wish me good day and good night... Sometimes he will say that he loves me. When I didn't receive his mails.... I kind of missed him. It's just that maybe of the feeling that grows with the friendship... I think yes, one would fall in love with someone whom haven't met in real life but met online... Well I think I'm losing my mind over this guy I met online and I think I might be headed for a heartbreak. I need advises on getting over this guy. When I met this guy in September I wasn't looking to dating anyone but to make new friends which was clear on my profile. He noted that and said he'll respect that. We chatted and gave him my Whatsapp numbers, at that time he just relocated in SA from the States inline of work. He Whatsapp me soon after I gave him my numbers, and I was turned off by his dp, showing of is upper body which gave me wrong impression about him. I basically killed our conversation, I ignored his greeting texts on two occasions. Then two months later This very month 9th of December 13:31 he Whatsapp' me and I responded friendly and that's when everything changed. We chatted and I even forgotten he was in SA, he reminded me that he told me when he met me online, and probably I wasn't paying attention. We spoke for hours over the phone, bonded each day ever since. We love the same things, listen to the same music and have the same dreams. He thinks I'm he's soul mate and I think so too. Just when I thought he's my male version, he basically mentioned I'm his female version. I find myself thinking about him more than I should, check my texts every minute hoping he'll texts or call. I talk to myself and to God about him. I care for him more than he'll ever know. We have planned to meet up on the 31st and spend New year's eve together. But for these passed days he's been acting strange. He doesn't read my Whatsapp even when he's on Whatsapp the whole time and only gets back to me the following morning without saying anything but just a normal greeting and he's unavailable again to respond to my teXts. I spoke to him and this is our conversation. I'm actually hoping for the wisdom to understanding you, cause I'm sure as hell I don't. Love, whether real or online, is a gamble - it could work out perfectly, as you envision it and hope for, or you could end up being disappointed. However, be optimistic and do as you are doing and let life lead the way. If both of you feel the same way and share the same intensity and feel equally committed, then you may end up being a couple in real life eventually, so all the best and keep us posted on how it goes for you. I met him through a video game called World of warcraft about 2 years ago. I went through some tough stuff mebtally, but he helped me through it all and i had done the same for him. Him and i have never had this bond before. We started talking more and more and we eventually just became a couple. I never thought i could love someone like this. I have yet to meet him, but i honestly love him to hell and back. We talk everyday and tell each other how nuch wr love each other over skype, snapchat, and phonecalls. Do you think this will last? Should i bet all of my money on this guy i have never met online? We met on instagram 3 months ago and since then never stoped talking. I never thought i would fall in love with him. I didnt even know what he looked like. But it was very fast. One month and we were in love. Its been now two months i love him so much. Cant wait to meet him. Is this gonna last? It's been about a month he me. His son even texts me on. Han ngoutscalls me mom. Xmas is conning e mention. Once he might come at X mas. For him as he has me. I loved reading your comment. You are mature and know your feelings well. You sure have something going on here, but give her time to process her feelings, which I can see you are doing. It may take a while for her to get over her fears and also to process her emotions. Am sure you know you'd need to give her that time and space to resolve it in her own mind on her own. Well, best of luck. We connected through FB. Funny thing is I know her cousins and she lives in Italy and I live in Florida. We have talked for months. Chat, video, pics, you name it! People are not real anymore and expect instant gratification theses days and never want to get to know each other like we have done! I love her laugh, her smile, her personality, her smart ass ways and she likes to be sarcastic, and her eyes make me melt. And everything she has made me feel that her soul is beautiful. I feel she is my soulmate! We always text all day and talk, video when we can on WhatsApp! I told her I would pay for her flight. How sweet is that! I would still give her the money when she comes! Today she asked me if when I say love you to her if it was I am in love with her or is it just affection! Well, I let her have it like this! Falling in love with someone starts with getting to know them and having deep conversations with one another. Does it really matter if these conversations are by email, on the telephone, video chat and via WhatsApp? No… The conversations make us laugh and smile and you soon begin to open up and share your thoughts and feelings, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and expectations, your secrets and insecurities, you feel like you can talk to her about absolutely anything and you feel comfortable expressing yourself and being yourself with her. You have many things in common and everything feels natural and you feel at ease when talking to her. I find myself thinking about you, despite trying not to! I may be crazy! But I know we have 2 different lives right now, so it makes it hard some days cause I just want to feel this next to you and fill the real thing in person Will it be mutual? Her response was, Sorry honey, you right i am distracted, but i went out from My house thinking about It. Right now it's My constantly thought. I have to know, i need to know because i am scared about all these thoughts and feelings. I think about Them every day. I say to myself... Would i do it? Should i do It? I am afraid Of changing... I Just need to know. So I told her Everyone is afraid of change! It even bothered me that you asked me are my friends trying to hook me up? If they were, I would not being doing this affection with you and all of our craziness, sarcastic sayings! Why do people fall in love with someone? Different reasons all the time. We have this connection for a reason. People meet from all kinds of places all the time. Everything happens a for a reason! How do they do it? Talk about it tomorrow. My stomach gets butterflies. Have a good night. This made me even crazier for her. We all would be. I really want her to come and stay with me for a while and feel this in person! I would even stay home and wait! She give me life and makes me feel good about myself. It was only online we never met in person and only had two phone conversations in the 6 months we knew one another. We quickly fell for each other and professed our love for the other and all could not have been better,I walked around with a smile on my face all the time I was just so happy and always had optimism and belief that we would meet in person some day. However we ran into the issue of were we both on the same page as far as where we wanted things to go,I felt as though he was not as committed as me because he always had time to go visit family and mates on his days off when he wasnt working or sleeping but in 6 months he never made the effort to meet me in person, whenever we arranged he forgot,he overslept ,he got called into work. Needless to say it didnt work out because he said he cant cope with my doubts and me saying that he does not care about me or the relationship now there is no communication between us and I am left with all these unanswered questions:Was it real? Did he mean what he said? Was I wrong to doubt? Did I ruin things? Does he still love me if he ever did? Is he hurting like me? Does he still think about me? Like is he really a soldier? For some reason, some guys play a role, take on a persona that's not really them. The best way to know for sure is to ask to video chat with him and ask for pictures of him. Basically, just make sure everything adds up with what he says, and when in doubt, don't hesitate to ask so you can be reassured about your doubts. It saves you disappointment later on. Assuming you've already done that and everything checks out, all you can do is chat and hope for the best. Hope everything goes well for you. Continue supporting her as you are doing. With all the horrible things that you've stated that she's dealing with, she needs that suppport. Be there for her, but that's about all you can do for the moment. You are just 15 and separated by thousands of miles. Work towards your education and getting a good job in parallel with your relationship. A job would help you collect funds for visiting her and also help you take this forward if it progresses and endures. There is nothing wrong in feeling like you do. Am sure you care deeply for her and that's perfectly fine. You are already showing how much you care and love her by being there for her over chat and helping her emotionally. I sent you an email, but you didn't answer. My email was about the girl from America and I But I understand, you being a mother and all, that you don't have infinite time on your hands: Anyways, if you didn't read my email, let me bring you up to speed: I met a girl online, and we instantly hit it off. She's everything I could want in a girl, and so much more. She makes me feel how no girl has made me feel before. The only reason I can't be with her right now is that she's American and I'm Australian. Anyway, we're both 15, have very positive attitudes, and love to chat to each other. After chatting for weeks, I think I'm in love with her. I just need some help. She's had a horrible past, and she self-harms. I feel helpless, but I tell her everything I can. She promises one day we will be together. We've sent pictures, videos, and so much more to each other. I think I love her. How can I go and be with her, if my family sorta can't afford to go America right now? Her parents abuse her, and I feel bad for her. But she is amazing-absolutely EVERYTHING I want in a girl. I feel so privileged to have met her. But, how can I show her JUST how much I love her? Is it okay that I love her even though she is thousands of kilometers away? I just have so many warm feelings for her I can't explain it. She is so brave, so loving, so caring. Can you help me Shil1978? She has a child too and she includes me and wants us to be together for ever but is it too good to be true? That would give you time to evaluate your own feelings and whether his feelings are indeed strong or momentary. As always, be cautious. Try and find out he's representing himself correctly and not putting on a mask. If all boxes are ticked 6 months on, am sure you'd know what to do at that point, but don't rush into anything for now. Don't be depressed about that. Work on the friendship, you never know where it might lead. You can't force someone to love you, but you can try getting the right chemistry going, which might lead to enduring love. Keep talking and interacting and see if you feel the same way you do going forward and if your feelings get stronger. Don't worry about what you can't control. Just work on the friendship for now. Hopefully, she'd feel just the way you do and if feelings remain consistent over a period of time, you'd both know it's meant to be. We started talking on there and soon i go my cousin to ask if she liked me back. Anyway, we chatted every day for hours and the infatuation was strong He claimed to work out of the country and asked if I would move in with him when he got back. The danger of online romance is, you fall in love with words, not actions. He about flipped out when I didn't trust him and called him out on the problems and doubts He asked me for money on 2 seperate occasions, which I denied him and he submarined, last time I heard from him was 10 days ago, without a word, just disappearedmy head knows better, but my heart is broken and I find myself thinking about him too much. Was it worth it? Before he did and asked for money for his children, he told me I would see him in December. Part of me still mourns and wants to believe that he is real and meet him. My problem is that ive gained a lot of weight throughout the year so I'm afraid that she isn't going to feel the same once we meet. She has only seen pictures of me when i was so much thinner. I've told her I've gained weight and she doesn't seem too care but I'm very self conscience about it. We meet next week and I'm freaking out. Perhaps, he misrepresented himself in terms of age maybe and didn't want to be found out. Maybe, to him, it was just not deep enough to care. Either way, he should have been honest to you and had that one last chat so you didn't have to wonder and be left hanging. One of the perils of online relationships. Im 50 and i do know what love is.. I wouldn't say im in love with him.. Its the not knowing thats killing me.. Ive sent him a few messages and he never responend, so now i just have to get over this crap.. God bless the internet otherwise we would never of met. Actually, we were connected through some common people between our families, as some of my relatives gave my mobile number to his mom so she can forward it to him. Moreover, after an intensive talk that continued almost two month on daily basis ,I can tell that we had known most of basic , important info about each others. At last , what I wanted to say the we end up and disconnect suddenly!! 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It doesn't mean doing a bunch of stuff for them the way you might do if you were with them. Be there for her, but that's about all you can do for the sol. Google AdSense Host API This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. She wants what she wants. I met a girl online when I was eleven custodes old on a chat game. But there's a crappy song out there that put it well enough. Until one day, I was scammed by someone. Really desperately wanted to talk with him. I found myself 20 years ago in the same situation with loving my el who became my best friend. But I haven't met this girl yet and she's real not a catfish. You are mature and know your feelings well.